31 days to whole ~ day three…I actually feel hungry…
Start here…at the beginning…
Last night I actually felt hunger pains.
Like actual pains in my tummy.
I cannot tell you the last time I was actually physically hungry.
I know. Scary right?
I have been an over eater for so long, I have never really been hungry when I sit down for a meal. I just sit and eat out of habit.
How sad is that? What an abuse of my body.
I am learning in these early days of this challenge, that I have spent too many years just surviving. I know, I know, it’s what had to be done. With a special needs child’s intensive care being the number one priority in our home, my own health and wellness issues have been buried for quite some time.
Survival was key and survive we did. Not only survive but I think we even thrived during our time with our Courtney. There was joy and so much love. Now that she is in heaven, I still have ALL that love to give and it has to go somewhere. I thinks that’s one of my current problems, is filling my time, intentionally, with good things, positive things, healthy things.
Instead of stuffing my grief and boredom down my throat via potato chips and brownies.
It’s rainy, cold and wet here in NoVa today and I have dinner in the crock-pot, the laundry is going and there is Vivaldi playing on the iPod. Jerry made a wonderful breakfast of bacon, eggs and hashbrowns.
We will have a cup of vegetable soup in a bit to tide us over until supper.
For the first time in a long time, it feels like enough. I have a meal plan in the works for next week so I keep myself focused and prepared. I am delving into the creative side of my brain preparing to write a book in the next few months AND I have been sewing again.
It feels good to create again. It feels good to be a homemaker again.
I have discovered the only time I think about food is a) when I am not prepared with a meal plan and b) when I am bored or feeling overwhelmed or rushed.
It’s like bi-polar food disease. The highs and lows are what challenge me and create situations where I make foolish choices. I mean I can’t avoid those situations all together. Life is life and I am far from perfect. BUT I can learn a new way of thinking that allows me to use logic instead of emotion.
For today, logic is winning. For today.
The struggle is real sister! I have one of those bodies that gains POUNDS if I do any cheating or don't meal plan. It's so disheartening. I really like this woman (she's not Catholic) but she has taught me some new things including that we have a limited amount of will power so that's why we need meal planning! http://susanpeircethompson.com/
I lost 40 pounds a year ago and am still working on the emotional eating issues. I have found I turn to food when I am bored, as you have said, or frustrated about situations I can't change. Lately I have been trying to just stay away from the kitchen when I'm feeling like that–which is hard, as I homeschool and am, well, home all the time. The afternoons are the worst. I suspect there's an emotional link there; I used to come home from school, my mom would still be at work (she was a teacher and got home an hour or so after I did) and I'd use that time to eat whatever I wanted before she got home. Which…I never thought about really, until just now. Interesting.
I think you're doing great. As you said in a previous post, the first day of any journey is easy; it's the day to day slog that is hard!
I would love to hear about some of your meal plans. I have young kids and tend to overbook and then drop the ball with making a really healthy dinner.
Congrats about feeling hungry! I had a similar feeling a few years ago when my son was dealing with some medical issues and food had been an unhealthy afterthought or distraction for a few months. I consciously started thinking about what I was eating and after a few days felt hungry. It was a little revelation! I actually can learn from attending to my body.
Today was sort of a fail for me – 3 parties in one day. I broke down and had 2 cookies and wine at the last one. But, compared to earlier I think it was ok – much less than what I'd usually eat and more thoughtful choices.
Yay for feeling hungry!
I have empathy on the health issues being sidelined because of our special kiddos. My PCOS diagnosis and seeing a rheumatogist for my fibro had to wait until Daniel started school because I was the primary caregiver and my husband had pastoral duties that took him out of the house too much to regularly watch Daniel.
"It's like bi-polar food disease."
Yes, it can feel like that! I totally agree! I am glad that you have a plan. I need a plan! I think I will take care of that later today. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your journey. I would like to hear more on how you are meal planning. It is something I know I should do and yet I have real trouble getting it done. Also, please share more recipes. Thanks