what to do when a friend is going through a hard time…
Friendship is a sacred thing to me. I have been blessed to be surrounded by some pretty awesome girlfriends in my lifetime. It amazes me at God’s generosity in this area of my life. I am and have been so incredibly blessed.
A good friendship takes work on both sides. As you develop and change as a person, so do your friendships. There are ups and downs, each of you stretching and growing within the bounds of that friendship.
Time changes people. Time changes friendships and that’s OK. It is part of life. Some friendships are meant to take place within a time or season. God brings them to you as you need each other and then you each move on.
Recently, several of my friends have gone through struggles. You name it, many have faced it. As their friend, I have a specific role to play when they are in the middle of a battle.
#1- Pray for them
I have a prayer journal and inside the front cover I have my girlfriends names listed. I pray for them every day. Every.day. When trouble hits, I hit my knees and ratchet up the prayer heat. This is always my first step of support.
#2 – Listen
When the calls come and they need to vent. Listen. Meet them where they are and just listen. Don’t take on their worry or anger, just listen and pray to the holy spirit to give you the right word of support. A listening friend is a true gift.
#3 – Be There
I mean show up at the house with flowers, an encouraging note, dinner or just give them a hug, but physically be there. Words are one thing,but to show up is the sign of a true friend. You have shown them with your actions, how much they mean to you.
#4 – Don’t try to “fix” it
Not your circus. Not your monkeys.
When your friend is struggling be there to pray, listen and support but unless they ask you for it, hush it and don’t try to fix things. This is their issue to work through and you are there to help support them as they figure things out.
#5 – What is shared between girlfriends, stays between girlfriends
No gossip. No sharing (only with your spouse). Keep it to yourself. Trust is key is any relationship but especially when someone is in distress. So pray, listen, be there and keep your mouth shut. Once that trust is broken, you can try and rebuild the friendship, but it will never be the same.
These five things have really helped me over the last three decades to maintain some wonderful friendships. What have you done to build and maintain your friendships? Please share in the comments.
These are great, Mary! I totally second "Listen." Listening-without taking on extra worry-is super important. So many times, people just need someone to listen to them. And, if we start taking on their worry, that can make their problem worse, so it's especially not important to do that!
Fantastic advice.
I am a "fixer", by nature. I finally figured the above out in my 40's. I still struggle with not having to fix it for others.
Sigh…
Blessings.
This is brilliant advice and extremely timely – definitely the answer to my prayers about how to help a friend who's going through an extremely rough patch…. though she lives hundreds of miles away from me, so it's tough.
Lovely! I'd add that really digging deep and struggling to carry our own cross helps us to grow in friendship with others. I'm not as scandalized or shaken by other people's struggles as much at 40 because "the consulation that we receive is the consulation we can give others." My own faith journey gives me greater confidence in the possibility of hope for other people's potential for growth in the middle of hardship and chaos.