separated by a thin veil…
Yesterday was Palm Sunday and boy howdy was it a doozy. We listened to the Gospel of Mark and I struggled through it. I felt like a five year old with ants in her pants. I didn’t really understand why I was struggling so much until at the end of Mass.
The choir sang “Jesus Remember Me” as the processional hymn and I lost.my.mind. The emotional gates opened and flooded forth and poor Jerry just looked overwhelmed, by both the song and his wife.
Have you ever tried to cry quietly in a public place. Ummm…yeah…that was me honking my nose like a Canadian goose. Sorry lady in row two. I know, I know. I was kind of a mess.
I felt like replacing the words…”Courtney remember me…”
Holy Week is always emotional for me, even before Courtney passed away. Just the very thought that God sent his ONLY BEGOTTEN SON to come and take the heat for me??? Well, I feel so very unworthy. Now that my girl is on the other side of that veil, spending her first Easter at the eternal banquet table, separated from us but finally reunited with her Beloved…it’s all just so complicated and emotionally charged for both Jerry and myself.
Then they sang that song and I thought of my Daddy up in heaven with his eldest granddaughter, dancing and singing for joy, and I just could not keep it together. OyVey, I can only imagine what the rest of this week will be like.
I am so completely unprepared for anything. There is cleaning to do, baking and meal prep, as well as many Easter traditions to complete. I feel like I am dragging my feet as I desperately try to call forth the energy to care about anything but getting to Mass and spending time with Jonathan and Jerry. I know that it will all get done and I hope that a little bit of joy will slip into my heart.
In time, all will be well. That is I know for sure. As for the egg dying and spring cleaning…that’s a whole other situation.
You definitely have a free pass this Easter, Mary!
I wish I was there yesterday to give you big hugs! That song evokes ugly tears to begin with, add Miss Courtney and Holy week…forget about it! I have cried ugly tears during Mass, especially after sweet Miriam went heaven side, thankful someone was always there to hold me. Sending LOTS of love and hugs this week!
I'm still waiting for the joy to creep in as well. I was hoping this Easter would be better, but so far, not so much.
Hi Mary,
Oh wow, I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling, especially this week with so many emotions and memories of your sweet girl. Your post got me chocked up because if I see anyone in Church crying, then I start to cry. I would have given you a big hug and cried with you! It's like you are going through your own passion, death and resurrection this week as you carry your own cross and surrender it all to Jesus and your reflection about your Daddy and Courtney in Heaven rejoicing together is like the joy of the resurrection at Easter. I loved what you wrote about your Daddy dancing and being filled with joy with Courtney. That's the joy in all the sadness and pain. I will continue to keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers during Holy and difficult week!
Hello,
I found your blog through the 2015 Sheenazing Awards, and I am impressed with its content. I am writing you on behalf of CatechismClass.com, the leading online Faith Formation Provider for the Catholic Faith. Endorsed by the US Bishops and many members of the clergy, our apostolate was founded in 2004 by Fr. James Zatalava to use New Media to catechize as many souls as possible.
We would really appreciate it if you would link to our organization in your blog's sidebar.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
In Christ,
Gloria Belle
gloria.belle@catechismclass.com
Visit our website http://www.catechismclass.com