I made a decision this morning. It’s a biggy. After basically spending the last two months confronting the impending death of our sweet Courtney, making plans for her final arrangements and generally walking away from everything but her daily care, I decided that enough is enough.
Life is meant to be lived. Yes, I have said this before. Yes, I have meant it. Yes, I have done it. Then I got thrown off a cliff and the Docs all agreed that our girl was on her way to Heaven’s gate and I stopped, dropped and prayed for a different ending.
Guess what? I have no idea what’s going to happen or when it’s going to happen. I don’t. Not one damn thing. All I know is that my Courtney is still here, her seizures can no longer be controlled with medication and her weight seems to have stabilized, bouncing between 72-74 pounds. What does this all mean? I have no idea!! That’s right people, I got nothing.
We are going to make some changes here at Chez Lenaburg. While things have stabilized we are going to seize the moment and live each day to it’s fullest. If you want to visit…that’s fine. The two rules are…you MUST call/message me first to make sure Court is having a good day and be OK with me saying no to the visit if she’s not. Second rule is NO ONE in your family can be sick. Not a cold, a sniffle or a fever in the last 48 hours. If those criteria are met, than come and visit. Miss Courtney would love to see you.
I am also going back to my regularly daily schedule of a morning walk, cooking, baking, sewing, crafting, caring for my home, etc… that I have done for 22 years. Nothing in Courtney’s situation has changed, but this Mama and daughter are going to squeeze the ever loving joy out of every day we are blessed to have left together.
She will go home to Our Lord when He calls her and not before, so why not just keep going as we had been going. I don’t think she will be heading back to church anytime soon (due to the variety of ickiness that exists in the Universe) but Adoration with small groups of people, or maybe even visits to friends and family’s home if she is having a really good day?? Yes, those things are all possible.
I have discussed this with her teams of Doctors and they are all in favor of living it up while we can. So let’s party like it’s 2013 shall we??
Last night I threw caution to the wind and…I baked cookies. That’s right. For the first time since Easter, I broke open my baking pantry and I made three dozen of the most spectacular cookies that just scream FALL. The spices, the pumpkin, the chocolate chips and pecans. Oh sweet Mama, they are a delight to behold. I even used my own homemade vanilla.
So good!!
You want the recipe?? It comes from the very first cookbook I ever received as a newlywed. “Mrs. Fields Cookie Cookbook”. Love this cookbook. I have made a few adjustments as well.
Are you smacking your lips yet? Here’s the recipe…I am here to serve my friends.
Here.to.serve.
Your welcome. These little diddy’s are pretty, they make me happy, tickled my funny bone and the clean up was all to real for me.
Happy Fall,
Pumpkin Spice Drop Cookies
w/ Chocolate Chips and Pecans
adapted from “Mrs. Fields Cookie Cookbook”
2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
2 tsp pumpkin pie spice (you can make your own. It’s better that way)
1 cup dark brown sugar, packed
1/2 cup white sugar
3/4 cup salted butter, softened
1 large egg
1 cup pumpkin (canned or freshly cooked)
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 bag semi -sweet chocolate chips
1 cup pecans, chopped
Preheat oven to 300 degrees
In a medium bowl, combine flour, soda, salt, and pumpkin pie spice. Mix well with wire whisk and set aside.
In a large bowl, blend sugars with an electric mixer, set at medium speed. Add the butter and beat to form a grainy paste. Scrape sides of bowl, then add egg, pumpkin and vanilla. Beat at medium speed until light and fluffy.
Add the flour mixture, chips and pecans. Blend at low speed just until combined. Do not overmix.
Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased cookies sheets, 1 1/2 inches apart. Bake 22-24 minutes until cookies are slightly brown along edges. Immediately transfer cookies with a spatula to a cool surface.
Makes 3 dozen.
~ Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~
“We humbly thank you for any help paying off Courtney’s extensive medical bills
and taking care of the cost of the remainder of her final arrangements**
We Love the Lenaburgs – Team Courtney Fundraiser
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Here is the best part, you can't do it wrong , no matter how you.choose or how many times you change your mind. Your heart is filled with love and God is in control, all your choices will be the right ones. As long as you follow your sweet heart, pray about it …you will always do the right thing for your wonderful.daughter , you and your family. The rest of us respect your every choice and are praying along with you. Besides that, how can baking ever be wrong? :-).
If I wasn't sat in bed near midnight halfway around the world from you Mary, I would jump up and make some of these straight away! Just need to work out where in England I can find tinned pumpkin?…
Great to see you enjoying the simple pleasures of life. Don't worry, lots of prayers still going up for all of you.
Most supermarkets sell it
I am so happy to read this!! Courtney (and you!) deserve this! Squeeze every drop out of it! Every last drop. Prayers for you all!
Yes! You are the bravest and sweetest Mama!!
First time commenter but I have been following/catching up on your story for a month or so now. I love seeing this! Glad to hear you are embracing life (with pumpkin-spice cookies, no less! Yum!) and taking the day as it comes right now. Prayers for your family!
God is so good!!!! You have more courage than I have ever witnessed…. Being a fool for Christ is such a blessing !! I'm mean how much control do we REALLY have over what we moms worry about!!! Good for you … As my grandsons say " You Got This" …. What an example you are!!!! Praying that you and your girl are given Our Lady's peace and mercy and that you squeeze out every bit of life there is in a day and never look back!!! Praying !! Praying !! Praying!!
Rachel- I live in Liverpool! Try wait rose or ocado for canned pumpkin. Tesco had it last year and I have some cans left from then so I am definitely going to make these cookies. And Mar, we are praying for your family every day. God Bless, Kara
Kara, I think we have met! At Roaslind's?
And thanks for the heads up about where to get pumpkin purée. Is it only seasonal?
Hello Rachel! If you'd like to get together sometime I could bring you a can of pumpkin! Yes, it is seasonal, but this is the season for it. 🙂
Thank Kara! Let's do that;we can bake some of Mary's cookies!
Good to see you getting your groove back Mary! Courtney's here, let's celebrate!
Good for you…live life! Totally making those cookies this weekend.
God bless you, Mary. I am a mom of 3 young children, and I just want you to know how often your words, your devotion to your vocation of motherhood, and your strong faith even in terrible circumstances has lifted me up. God is using your life for such good, even beyond your family. Please know you are in my daily prayers and I am offering my mass intentions for a peaceful welcome to heaven for sweet Courtney. Have a wonderful day doing "normal" things!
There's so much grace, strength, courage, and beauty in this! Mary, you are such an inspiration. You're whole family. Letting God work. Letting Him hold you, day in and day out. I can't imagine all your mama heart is going through on the daily but choosing joy and celebration is such a hard choice that requires much. I pray it brings you all peace and goodness. Thank you, again, for sharing your journey with such honesty. Your family is such a gift to so many.
Praise be to God!
Love this post! Love your beautiful, courageous perspective, Mary. Thanks for being a light!
Mary, your blog is putting people together across the world! Kara and I live less than an hour from each other and have met at a mutual friend's but haven't been in touch for a while. We are going to meet up and eat your cookies! Thanks, the Body of Christ is alive and kicking!
Those cookies look DELISH – thanks for sharing!! As always, you are remembered in our prayers.