the privilege of holding her…

It has been a difficult day here.


Miss Courtney is in quite a pit of discomfort due to her monthly “visitor”. She is very out of sorts and can’t make up her mind if she want to eat or not, wether she wants to lay down or sit in her chair. I have  given her some meds to help with her discomfort but they sometimes upset her tummy, which puts her out of sorts once more.


What’s a Mama to do?


I wrap her up in comfy blankets and I hold her. It’s quite a comical site really.  A 5’10” Mama holding a 5’6″ young woman, rocking her back and forth quietly while singing softly. Courtney’s legs dangly over the edge of the sofa, her feet warmly wrapped in Miss Elizabeth’s special wool socks, breathing in and out so quietly.


It seems to be the only way to get her to relax and just be still for a bit.


As I rock her, I sing. When she tires of that, I pray and my mind strays reaching for quiet and peace. It is such a privilege to hold this special one. For twenty-one years I have rocked this child, on good days and bad. While seizures steal through her body and after they are through wringing her out. When she was happy or in pain, giggling or exhausted, she and I have rocked.


I know that one day my arms will be empty and my sweet girl will be rocked by Our Lady in Heaven.


For today, I set aside all that I think must be done and I rock my Courtney.