weary but not defeated…

Courtney and the family, joined by her Confirmation sponsor Christine S. – 2008

At Mass this morning I felt my weary heart was heavy with my personal grief as well as that of my Church. I kept my gaze fixed on the altar the whole time and poured my heart out in thanksgiving for the gift of my Courtney, my son, my husband and the good and holy priest offering Mass.

During his homily, he addressed the scandal briefly with words of hope for change within the Body of Christ. We sang of how Our Redeemer lives and after Communion I prayed the “Anima Christi” with as peace settled in

This was Courtney’s prayer, whispered into her ear every time she received Communion. She would lean into Jerry, Jonathan or I and smile, quieting her constantly moving body, and listen with her whole self.

“Soul of Christ, sanctify me, Body of Christ, save me, Blood of Christ, inebriate me, Water from Christ’s side, wash me, Passion of Christ, strengthen me, O good Jesus, hear me, Within Thy wounds hide me, Suffer me not to be separated from Thee, From the malicious enemy defend me, In the hour of my death call me, And bid me come unto Thee, That I may praise Thee with Thy saints, and with Thy angels, Forever and ever, Amen”

Today is 10th Anniversary of Courtney’s Confirmation, where she took the name “Scholastica” in honor of St.Beneduct and St Scholastica, The Holy Twins, faithful siblings who loved God and one another as Jman and Courtney strived to do. Today I prayed for God’s mercy to rain down upon those good and holy men who did not stray, who did not sin. May God give them strength of purpose and fortitude of will, to remain steadfast and true to the vows they took, in fidelity to Christ and Mother Church.

Today I left Mass choosing HOPE that God’s people will prevail. We will rise from the ashes and we will live boldly in the name of the Lord

Courtney Elizabeth Scholastica Lenaburg, your witness to love continues to buoy my heart and my soul. You made me a better human and I pray I don’t ever forget the lessons of your life. With hope come trust. With trust come faith. With faith comes hope. Hope is the answer to all things. Hope is Christ and the Cross, where He showed us that God wins, no matter what comes.