rainy days and smiles…

We had the privilege of taking Miss Courtney to church last night for an hour of Adoration just for her. Several fellow parishioners and friends, came as well and for an hour before Our Lord, we prayed for God’s will to be done. I held Courtney through it all, keeping my eyes on Jesus and telling him over and over how much I loved him and how ready I was for my daughter to come home to him. She had run her race and Jerry, Jonathan and I would be OK without here here. I smiled and thought of my beautiful girl, in her glittered high tops, mop of blonde curls and a super hero cape, ready to kick some serious butt for Jesus. What a powerful intercessor she will be, even more so from heaven than she has been here on earth.  


Not one tear was shed. All I felt was incredible joy and a flooding peace from my head to my toes. It was so wonderful to hold my daughter in my arms and listen to her sing and laugh in the presence of the King. It was a gift from Jesus to this very tired Mama. One I will never forget. 


Afterwards, surrounded in prayer, Miss Courtney was given the Anointing of the Sick. She hummed and smiled during the Sacrament as she had during the previous hour. It was as if she was telling me “No worries Mama. God’s got this. It’s gonna be A-OK.”  


This morning we woke to a rainy fall Saturday filled with lunching ladies, football and beautiful laughter from our girl. We were told a few weeks ago that this journey of goodbye with our daughter would have good days and bad. Today could be filed in the “good day” category and we are grateful for it. 

I had the privilege to meet up with Courtney’s former instructors from the Kilmer Center, where she attended school for almost eight years. Miss Betsy and Miss Hye are family. They loved my girl through so many ups and downs always seeking the least restrictive environment in which to teach her in. How I love these two selfless heros. To teach a special needs child is not just a job but a vocation. Kilmer is filled with heros like these two. We were blessed by our many years there.


They came by the house afterward and sat with Miss Courtney. She hummed and smiled and they all held hands for about an hour. It filled my heart with such joy to watch her smile at these two very familiar voices.  She just kept looking from one to the other and smiling and humming. I know they were here to say goodbye but when you leave room for God to allow a miracle, you never know what’s going to happen. All I know is that it brought Jerry, myself and those three beautiful souls great joy to be together again. 


As we move forward, we will take each day as it’s own little jewel. We will appreciate what we have with our daughter and stay present in that moment. God has not given us more than that, so we will honor him and love Miss courtney and each other as best we can. He ask nothing more than that. 

Winnie the Pooh is very special in our house. It was Jonathan’s favorite as a child and remains so to this day. He has spent hours reading Courtney the stories over the years. When Jonathan was four he decided that Jerry was Eeyore, I was Tigger and Jonathan was Pooh Bear. Miss Courtney  has always been Piglet. I saw this print on etsy over a year a go and knew that one day it would be in our home. I received an etsy gift certificate from a lovely reader and took my shot. It arrived today. 


Perfect timing, don’t you think? Especially if you imagine it is Courtney (Piglet) talking to her Papa (Eeyore). She is preparing us slowly but surely for a tomorrow where we will no longer here her humming or giggling. 


It’s all going to be OK. In God’s perfect timing, it will all be OK.