a sunday in october…

I love fall.


It’s my favorite season of the year followed closely by winter. I am a cold weather lover, a sweater and leggings girl with a side of hot cider.


I love the changing color of the leaves, revealing the depth and richness of God’s palette. It’s the season of apples and pumpkins and beef stew. There are long walks in the woods, football games all weekend long and don’t get me started on how much I love to hang my laundry out on the line.


So much love for fall.


Today was a rare one spent with my beloved husband.  First Mass, then a birthday party for a sweet five year old, then a HUGE pot of chili at home, windows open and corn bread fresh from the oven. It was just what my soul needed. A true day of rest and rejuvenation.


Thanks be to God for this beautiful Lord’s Day.

I really needed the breather. I feel like I am always behind these days. Creating a new life is not for the faint of heart. I have never worked harder in my life and I am just getting started. My brain hurts before lunch time most days but I know it’s what I am supposed to be doing so I shall just keep doing it.


This week brings lots of writing, office organizing and maybe even a little pumpkin bread making. Then there is the regular homemaking that needs to be done laundry folding, bathroom cleaning and meal making. I am trying to find the rhythm of my days and I know that will take time.


There are still pools of grief to swim through as we approach the two year anniversary of Courtney’s death in December. It’s getting easier but the pain runs deep and when it bubbles up from those crevices, I need to stop and sit with it for a time. I find that if I honor those feelings, allowing them to roll over me, they don’t drown me like they used to. I am learning to breathe through them, remembering the joy and the pain of loving my daughter all the way to the end. I smile more than I cry at those memories these days and that is progress.


I miss my girl, every single day. But I know without a doubt that she is doing some amazing things in heaven. Absolutely Amazing. I think of St. Terese of the Little Flower when she said “I will spend my time in heaven doing good on earth.” I think my Courtney is doing something of the same.


Tomorrow there will be hot coffee and pancakes shared with my beloved to begin the day. Not bad for a Monday. Gotta love three day weekends. They don’t come along near enough for me.


Happy Fall Y’all,