the sweetness of this day…

We are all fever free!! There was much celebration and dancing over the fact that whatever took down Jerry for three days and tried to take down Miss Courtney is no longer an issue. WooHoo!! Mama is doin her happy dance. 


Miss Courtney had such an awesome day today. It started out a little rocky with a whopping thirteen minute grand-mal seizure with all kinds of complications. I thought we were doomed to spend the day watching her seize. BUT…God had a different plan. After a two hour nap to recover, her not me, she woke up happy. I mean smiling, laughing, buck tooth grinning happy. Oh how I love those smiles. 

I spent the day moving furniture around getting ready for spending the day with my Mom tomorrow, celebrating life, love and family. I hung two full size quilts as new “curtains” in the living room. Well, they aren’t new quilts but ones I have had. They are new at being used as curtains though. I needed something to make the room a bit less drafty this winter. They will do. My Mama taught me long ago to not keep what was not useful. So very happy I listened to her. Now I have a solution to a problem and it didn’t cost a dime. Score!!

The big space in the middle is the spot for our artificial Christmas Tree. We will put it up with my Mom tomorrow. I know it’s early but Miss Courtney loves the lights so lights we shall have. This will be her last Thanksgiving this side of heaven and we will make it spectacular. 


I also cooked the turkey. I know, it’s Wednesday NOT TurkeyDay, but with every thing that has happened in the last two months, I knew that I needed to take advantage of Courtney’s good day and make the most of it. Who knows what will happen tonight/tomorrow? It came out beautifully. I have it all carved, bagged and tagged for a quick microwave reheat tomorrow. 


I feel so incredibly blessed this Thanksgiving. Miss Courtney is hanging in there having gotten through almost three months (this week) of the three to six months the doctors gave her. Yes, things are changing and she is seizing more without being able to stop them. Her weight is now at 69 pounds and they have given us plenty of warnings about what is to come as her weights drops more. 


Jerry and I have chosen not to dwell on those details. God’s grace will come as we need it. Of that I am sure of. We were chatting this evening and he asked me why I was so happy. I mean, his last day at work will be Monday if we don’t hear anything to stop the lay off, Courtney is dying and I am sitting on the sofa sipping tea and smiling. 


I can’t really explain it well but I just know that my sweet girl is doing what God is asking of her and that makes me so damn proud. Yes, it’s hard to watch and when she does go home to her Beloved, I will shatter into a thousand pieces but for now she smiled today. She laughed at us. She giggled when we tickled her. She hummed as I sang to her. She smiled at her big brother reading to her. She was just so darn happy. 

With her happy, how can I not be happy too. The hard days come, hell we have had a week of them, but then grace falls from above and we get through it. We will get through this as well. 


On this Thanksgiving, no matter what is happening in your life; good, bad or indifferent, take a moment and thank God for ALL He has provided for you. Even the hard things. Trust me when I say, He will never abandon you…NEVER. Take a moment and hug your kids, kiss your husband and just breathe in the joy of life. Breathe in the love of a Heavenly Father who is breathing you into existence every hour of every day. He wants such good things for you. 


Even now, watching my child preparing to go home to heaven, I know that God loves me. I know that He loves my Courtney. Even though some look at our life and only see difficulty and burden, there is such joy in loving this special kid. There is grace in surviving her seizures and when she stops breathing, God is so present in that moment, keeping me calm and focused on what Courtney needs second to second. 


It is such an honor to be her Mama. To love her, to care for her every day no matter what comes. To watch how other love her and us through her. I am so very thankful for my life. So very thankful. 


Thank you for wanting to provide a Christmas for our family after such an incredibly trying year. We had just a little bit of fun choosing things that we loved but would not purchase for ourselves since there are so many other needs in the family. I will admit that it has been hard to accept at times but Courtney has taught us so much about humility and receiving love from so many who wish to share this burden with us. 


Thank you for love bombing us, especially Jonathan who deserves so much more than we could ever provide. He has sacrificed much over the years, not just material things but time with us as well. He has seen more than his fair share of suffering but that has also helped him become a more empathetic and caring man. In the end that’s what truly matters. We could not be more proud of the young man God is calling him to be.  


The links are below for those who asked. We are so very grateful for all God has provided and for ALL He will provide in the future. 

Jerry’s job, a peaceful beautiful death for our daughter, a successful future for our son and enough love in my heart to overflow on a daily basis allowing me to serve as God needs me to, these things will be provided. I have complete faith and trust on God in this no matter how patient He needs me to be or how long He needs me to wait. 


God is good ALL the time. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!