183 days…

My sweet Courtney it has been 183 days since…


… I held you in my arms.


… saw your beautiful smile or heard your awesome laugh.


… got to give you a bath with your favorite apple blossom shampoo, even though you hated getting your hair washed, you sure smelled good. 


… got to snuggle with you wearing soft warm jammies while we listed to Audrey Assad on the Ipod.


… got to make you biscuits and gravy, your favorite. 


… watch you stare down a pumpkin pie, just waiting for your first bite. 

… sang your favorite song to help you sleep.


… watched you’re big brother carry you to bed, all while telling you a story about Winnie the Pooh.


… beaming with joy as the bells ring signifying the Lords presence at Mass during Consecration.


… witnessed you receiving Jesus in Holy Communion.


… I watched you wrap your arms around your Papa and sit through yet another John Wayne movie.


… got to whisper “I love you” in your ear. 

… got to watch you fling a shoe at someone during Sunday Mass. 


… listen to you imitate Chewbacca when Father preaches too long.


… we wheelchair danced to the radio.


… I kissed your sweet face for the last time.


… laid you to rest, knowing that when you opened your eyes you would see your Beloved Lord before you. 


… walked away from you knowing I would have to wait until God called me home to dance with you again. 

Today marks six months since our daughter went home. I woke this morning, not in pain, but weary that this is how things will be until my time comes. It’s not what any parent wants, to be without their heart, their child. It is what God has chosen for us, so we once again ACCEPT His plan and try our best to find joy again and live. 


Thank you my friends, for being her with us in prayer and encouragement. Thank you for holding our hands and telling us it’s going to be OK. Thank you for showing us that community reaches beyond the boundaries of our home all around the world. 


I am blessed to be Jonathan and Courtney’s mother. I am blessed beyond measure to have that honor. To know them and love them, now and always. 

My email has exploded with readers requesting I put the PayPal button back up for those who wish to help with our debt. It’s extensive, approx. $71,000. It’s a lot and will take years to whittle down. Anything helps. Anything. So, I will keep it at the bottom of my posts for awhile. You all have already given so much to our family. Our prayers are with you and we are so very grateful. We can never repay that kindness. So thank you…just thank you. If you would like our mailing address, please just email me at mary_romance@cox.net and I will send it.