I miss these hands. I miss the snuggles on the couch with her head on my shoulder, smiling as she hummed. I miss the joy she brought to our home everyday. I miss my Courtney and wish there had been a different ending to her story.

But…God is God and I am not.

This weekend we celebrated two Feast Days that have tremendous meaning in our home. Saturday was the Feast of St. Scholastica, Courtney’s Confirmation saint and Sunday the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes to whom our daughter was dedicated and where God revealed the purpose of our daughters life and legacy.

We chose St. Scholastica for our Courtney because of her close relationship with her brother St. Benedict. Their devotion to one another reminded Jerry and I of Jonathan’s and Courtney’s relationship one of prayer and protection, devotion and intercession. I often ask for St. Scholastica’s help, especially when dealing with my grief.

Our Lady of Lourdes was the one who lead us to her shrine in France, where our daughter whispered her acceptance into our hearts and changed the course of our lives forever. Our Lady walks beside me daily, as I honor Courtney’s legacy of love, joy and strength of purpose.

I miss these hands and I pray that by Gods grace, that one day I get to hold them again.